tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
