i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
