If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
