I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
