what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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