That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
