She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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