i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize