Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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