the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
