we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
