you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
