Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize