carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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