i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
