I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
