Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jไger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that ๐ I went with "no"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. Iโm never sure if Iโm hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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