When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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