You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
