he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
