My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
