i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize