Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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