Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
