I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
