she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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