He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
