I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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