Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
