You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
