my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He shit in the fireplace
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