i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
