I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
