i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
