new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
whose ass print is on the piano?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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