am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
