just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
