I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
