I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
