Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
