Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize