Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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