u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
