my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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