i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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