What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
