This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
