It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
