someone threw a dead crab at me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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