I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
