I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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