First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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