I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
