You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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