Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Mom said you looked used
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
