I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
