Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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