can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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