I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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