If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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