Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
