Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize