My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
someone owes me an orgasm
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
