She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
